I'm feeling pretty heartbroken today seemingly out of nowhere

Yeah, I'm heartbroken about/in love with the world, but I think maybe I'm feeling heartbroken so acutely is it came to me today that every time I've been asked to stay somewhere in the past 2 years or so, I've left.

What should you do when you're asked to stay?

I was always given really touching and compelling reason to stay, but I've not managed it yet. I think one root cause of this behavior is a sense of unworthiness of people's affections over time. That I am frightened people would get sick of me if I stuck around, and not hold me in high esteem if they got to know me better, if they bore witness to my occasional (absolutely run-of-the-mill) apathy, lack of inspiration, all-encompassing despair at helplessness. That I'm someone worth seeing if possible a few times a year now, but if I settled down somewhere, maybe people wouldn't want to see me/know me at all.

Moreover, I fear many of the incredible, worthwhile, powerful, strong, caring, loving people who have asked me to stay might not respect me and therefore would cease to love me (at least in a way that I could stomach) if they knew about of this fear.

Well, sorry for emoting all over the internet. I'm fairly certain that no one reads this anyways, but if you have been affected by the aforementioned syndrome and are reading this, I'm sorry for the cop-out.

Dear _____________, please hire me

I read your advertisement on idealist.org with great excitement. I am a recent college graduate with a keen interest in theater (particularly puppets and circus) who is seeking additional experience in the field. I think I may have a number of the qualities that you seek in an intern. My thesis work was a mammoth writing project which won high honors at the undergraduate level, and I've recently (this month) applied for a Fulbright research scholarship to continue collecting ethnographic data for future writings. So, while I may not have had the confidence to say it before receiving outside accolades, I think that I have strong writing skills and I have very fresh experience in applying for grants. This summer I was an apprentice with Bread & Puppet theater, and the summer before I was learning about marionette making at Puppets in Prague, in the Czech Republic. During college I (and my friends) developed, wrote for and performed in a very conceptually-based circus that I booked the tour for around the east coast. It was a avant-garde project that brought together music, a few more traditional circus skills, sideshow acts, puppets, clowning, and political purpose. I've been performing and studying theater and dance since I could walk, but it's really more the behind the scenes stuff that's interesting to me now. I'm a big multi-tasker, with varying levels of success, but usually I keep it together, and even when I don't, it usually appears as if I am. Dynamic relationships of creative collaboration are something that I value very highly, and try and maintain a presence of in my life.

Enclosed in the attachment is my resumé. I would love more information about the position, and I look forward to hearing from you soon if there is still an availability.

Thank you,



The let down:

Thanks for getting in touch. I'm afraid we filled this position about a month ago—I didn't realize it was still posted on idealist. I'm sorry about that. You clearly took time to write a real cover letter.

It sounds like you've been doing some really cool stuff in the last few years. Good luck!

Best,