Yeah, I'm heartbroken about/in love with the world, but I think maybe I'm feeling heartbroken so acutely is it came to me today that every time I've been asked to stay somewhere in the past 2 years or so, I've left.
What should you do when you're asked to stay?
I was always given really touching and compelling reason to stay, but I've not managed it yet. I think one root cause of this behavior is a sense of unworthiness of people's affections over time. That I am frightened people would get sick of me if I stuck around, and not hold me in high esteem if they got to know me better, if they bore witness to my occasional (absolutely run-of-the-mill) apathy, lack of inspiration, all-encompassing despair at helplessness. That I'm someone worth seeing if possible a few times a year now, but if I settled down somewhere, maybe people wouldn't want to see me/know me at all.
Moreover, I fear many of the incredible, worthwhile, powerful, strong, caring, loving people who have asked me to stay might not respect me and therefore would cease to love me (at least in a way that I could stomach) if they knew about of this fear.
Well, sorry for emoting all over the internet. I'm fairly certain that no one reads this anyways, but if you have been affected by the aforementioned syndrome and are reading this, I'm sorry for the cop-out.
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